random thoughts

When I turned 35 I stopped caring about certain things. I began looking out for myself like my mother used to do. I let people go and clung to the true blue folks I could trust. I became new.

Now that I’m 38 I have even more perspective. I am paying closer attention to the “haters”. The ones that act like you’re their “people” but really they ENVY your life. I laugh sometimes because knowing what I know about my life….I wonder if they REALLY should envy me. But that’s neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is they do and I’m on to them.

If you were truly a friend and cared about me you wouldn’t be so selfish, self-centered, egotistical and abusive. I am a giver. I am a lover. I have a hard time saying no…instead I try to find a way to say yes. But too often I get taken for granted. Well no more. That free ride is OVER.

Yes…I’m in my feelings today. But I’m also releasing any foothold you “haters” have put on me.

Ahhh…that feels amazing!

Today is my mom’s 58th birthday. I miss her tremendously. I could sure use her guidance and advice. She probably talks to me in my dreams. I wish I could hug her and smell her scent. I want to hear her voice and have her tell me a crazy joke. I wish we could take that last trip we were planning. Just the two of us basking in the sun. I wish she could engage with my kids and we could take one last family photo. I am glad she is no longer in physical or mental pain. But man…just to have one more time with her would be everything to me.

Today is my mom’s 58th birthday. I miss her tremendously. I could sure use her guidance and advice. She probably talks to me in my dreams. I wish I could hug her and smell her scent. I want to hear her voice and have her tell me a crazy joke. I wish we could take that last trip we were planning. Just the two of us basking in the sun. I wish she could engage with my kids and we could take one last family photo. I am glad she is no longer in physical or mental pain. But man…just to have one more time with her would be everything to me.

Homemade nachos. Thanks for helping sou chef Shiane!

Homemade nachos. Thanks for helping sou chef Shiane!

I just love this…my favorite letter and color!

I just love this…my favorite letter and color!

Choosing myself

How did I get myself into this..

And better yet, how do I get myself out…

So much collateral damage…

I’m struggling to see the light…

Suffocating on bad choice after bad choice…

Not knowing for sure which way is right…

Why can’t I just say no…

What am I really afraid of…

I don’t want to do this anymore…

I don’t have to do this anymore…

I need to realize that I have the power to walk away…

I can’t be everything to everybody

All things aren’t meant to be…

I can choose to be alone…

I can choose to do this MY way…

I can choose ME…

I DO CHOOSE ME!

love letter

Hi Baby. I’ve missed you ALL day. Did you know that? Could you feel that? Were you thinking of me when I was thinking of you? I don’t like being apart, but what’s worse is feeling apart from you. I don’t want to feel apart from you ever again. Okay? Promise me!

I’m your rib. I belong to you. You belong to me. We are meant for one another. Our love is the real thing. I long for you to snatch me into your arms…claim me as your prize. Be held chest to breast, nipple to nipple, navel to navel. I desire to be your meal. Devoured completely by you. Mmmmm….then taste my flavor on your lips, tongue…face…Yes! I crave to have you for my dessert…my sweet caramel stick….Mmmmm…we will do more than make love…we will become one again and again and again and feel complete. I long to be complete. I love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you. Always!!!!

A year locking….

I have been on this loc journey just over a year…and look at me, FULLY LOCKED!!!! I love my tresses! I feel beautiful and free! I haven’t had many chemicals, except for the most recent semi-permanent dye application. My stylist gave me a fresh color, ends clipping, and tight palm roll. I love the way my locs look when I first leave the salon. I have so much flexibility with my styling options. I can corn row them and roll the ends if I want a wavy effect. I can roll my locs individually if I want curls. I’ve learned a few quick updo’s from my natural sistah’s on youtube. And on my bad hair days (LOL…as if they really exist now) I can always throw my locs into a high ponytail. Even on my dirty, puffy days I receive countless compliments on my hair. That does wonders for a gal’s self-esteem. I must admit, some days when I look at my friends cute curly frocks I feel a little free-hair envy, but I don’t regret this decision for a minute. I am excited about my quick growth and look forward to trying more styles. For anyone who is on the fence about it, I would say, give it a try.

I freaking LOVE this!!!!

I freaking LOVE this!!!!

Food For Thought…keeping your man happy

From the desk of a married, sexy, attractive woman

Wives…hello ladies! A few tips I’ve learned along the way and want to share with you in hopes that they can improve, update, seal your current situations at home with your husband.

Now I dare not assume that your husband is sniffing around my door, or any other woman’s for that matter…but should you wait for that moment to at least entertain these thoughts of mine?

When is the last time you actually showed your husband, your lover, your soul mate that you love him? Actions speak MUCH louder than words, especially when it comes to our men.

Being the emotional creatures that we are, we often times say it and keep it moving. Or figure we show it because the house is clean, dinner is on the table, the kids are well cared for…but when is the last time you….

Drew a nice hot bath for him

Gave a hot oil massage

Woke him up with some spontaneous love making

Took a nice oral exploration of his lower region

Sent him a naughty text during the work day

Spiced things up on a “non-traditional love making day”

Wore new lingerie

Showed him that you desired him

Keeping it interesting is a two way street. Showing more…and assuming less makes for a more intimate home.

This was just some food for thought!

I get a little tired of folks getting up on their high horse about Scandal. It is a dramatic television show after all. A piece of fiction, developed for ratings and providing several under-represented groups of actors, writers, cast and crew with jobs.
Oh, you don’t like that the main character, Olivia Pope is a “side boo”.
Oh, you think her character gives “side boos” empowerment?
Are side boos the enemy? Do they carry weapons of mass destruction?
Are side boos the ones that ruined your relationship? Are they the ones that broke the vows?
How can a fictional television show cause so much turmoil in your home? Isn’t television for entertainment? Isn’t the title Scandal appropriate? Would we not be bored if Olivia wasn’t torn between Fitz and Jake?
As a married woman, I can say that I have no problems with the show, storyline, or characters. Every episode thrills me. At times I root for Olivia and Fitz and other days I wish she’d run away with Jake. I don’t get angry that I am wishing the side boo happiness. She is a woman. She is a person. She deserves to make her own choices, which may include mistakes. I am in love with the shows creativity and plot twists. I don’t get caught up in the “fake reality” so many judgmental people buy into. It isn’t real. But even if it was, the side boo didn’t make promises to you, your partner/mate/spouse did.

I get a little tired of folks getting up on their high horse about Scandal. It is a dramatic television show after all. A piece of fiction, developed for ratings and providing several under-represented groups of actors, writers, cast and crew with jobs.

Oh, you don’t like that the main character, Olivia Pope is a “side boo”.

Oh, you think her character gives “side boos” empowerment?

Are side boos the enemy? Do they carry weapons of mass destruction?

Are side boos the ones that ruined your relationship? Are they the ones that broke the vows?

How can a fictional television show cause so much turmoil in your home? Isn’t television for entertainment? Isn’t the title Scandal appropriate? Would we not be bored if Olivia wasn’t torn between Fitz and Jake?

As a married woman, I can say that I have no problems with the show, storyline, or characters. Every episode thrills me. At times I root for Olivia and Fitz and other days I wish she’d run away with Jake. I don’t get angry that I am wishing the side boo happiness. She is a woman. She is a person. She deserves to make her own choices, which may include mistakes. I am in love with the shows creativity and plot twists. I don’t get caught up in the “fake reality” so many judgmental people buy into. It isn’t real. But even if it was, the side boo didn’t make promises to you, your partner/mate/spouse did.