I freaking LOVE this!!!!

I freaking LOVE this!!!!

Food For Thought…keeping your man happy

From the desk of a married, sexy, attractive woman

Wives…hello ladies! A few tips I’ve learned along the way and want to share with you in hopes that they can improve, update, seal your current situations at home with your husband.

Now I dare not assume that your husband is sniffing around my door, or any other woman’s for that matter…but should you wait for that moment to at least entertain these thoughts of mine?

When is the last time you actually showed your husband, your lover, your soul mate that you love him? Actions speak MUCH louder than words, especially when it comes to our men.

Being the emotional creatures that we are, we often times say it and keep it moving. Or figure we show it because the house is clean, dinner is on the table, the kids are well cared for…but when is the last time you….

Drew a nice hot bath for him

Gave a hot oil massage

Woke him up with some spontaneous love making

Took a nice oral exploration of his lower region

Sent him a naughty text during the work day

Spiced things up on a “non-traditional love making day”

Wore new lingerie

Showed him that you desired him

Keeping it interesting is a two way street. Showing more…and assuming less makes for a more intimate home.

This was just some food for thought!

I get a little tired of folks getting up on their high horse about Scandal. It is a dramatic television show after all. A piece of fiction, developed for ratings and providing several under-represented groups of actors, writers, cast and crew with jobs.
Oh, you don’t like that the main character, Olivia Pope is a “side boo”.
Oh, you think her character gives “side boos” empowerment?
Are side boos the enemy? Do they carry weapons of mass destruction?
Are side boos the ones that ruined your relationship? Are they the ones that broke the vows?
How can a fictional television show cause so much turmoil in your home? Isn’t television for entertainment? Isn’t the title Scandal appropriate? Would we not be bored if Olivia wasn’t torn between Fitz and Jake?
As a married woman, I can say that I have no problems with the show, storyline, or characters. Every episode thrills me. At times I root for Olivia and Fitz and other days I wish she’d run away with Jake. I don’t get angry that I am wishing the side boo happiness. She is a woman. She is a person. She deserves to make her own choices, which may include mistakes. I am in love with the shows creativity and plot twists. I don’t get caught up in the “fake reality” so many judgmental people buy into. It isn’t real. But even if it was, the side boo didn’t make promises to you, your partner/mate/spouse did.

I get a little tired of folks getting up on their high horse about Scandal. It is a dramatic television show after all. A piece of fiction, developed for ratings and providing several under-represented groups of actors, writers, cast and crew with jobs.

Oh, you don’t like that the main character, Olivia Pope is a “side boo”.

Oh, you think her character gives “side boos” empowerment?

Are side boos the enemy? Do they carry weapons of mass destruction?

Are side boos the ones that ruined your relationship? Are they the ones that broke the vows?

How can a fictional television show cause so much turmoil in your home? Isn’t television for entertainment? Isn’t the title Scandal appropriate? Would we not be bored if Olivia wasn’t torn between Fitz and Jake?

As a married woman, I can say that I have no problems with the show, storyline, or characters. Every episode thrills me. At times I root for Olivia and Fitz and other days I wish she’d run away with Jake. I don’t get angry that I am wishing the side boo happiness. She is a woman. She is a person. She deserves to make her own choices, which may include mistakes. I am in love with the shows creativity and plot twists. I don’t get caught up in the “fake reality” so many judgmental people buy into. It isn’t real. But even if it was, the side boo didn’t make promises to you, your partner/mate/spouse did.

Unexpected

Where did you come from, certainly not from here; your arrival in my life indefinitely…all so unexpected

Feeling the way I do so fast about you; craving your touch this much… all so unexpected

Accidental sightings; common inside joking; caught gazes; seductive phrases … all so unexpected

Jaw dropping, heart throbbing body rocking all night long with your teeth in my thong…all so unexpected

Not wanting to let go; refusing to believe that this is the last time for us; no, no, NO…all so unexpected

Not caring that it’s impossible; not letting reality stop us; not thinking about tomorrow…all so unexpected

Love Him All Over Again

Love Him All Over Again

When I first discovered I loved him…I didn’t even really know what love was

Or what it meant to really love someone…sleeping in cars…on abandoned highways

It was more like puppy love…or curiosity

I wanted to be loved and give love but wasn’t quite ready for all of the possibilities

The second time I thought I loved him it was because he noticed me

That gleam he’d get whenever I crossed his path

Those extra moments spent on the phone…neither one of us wanting to hang up

I knew we could be good together but he still needed to go and grow

And so did I…I suppose

Looking for love in all the wrong places is more than a song or cliché

It’s the turn we’d take time and time again…only to return to a familiar friend

At the root of this relationship that needs no label…is a love so pure

A love so sweet….a love so able

It withstood the test of time…16, 17, 18…now 19 years in the making

That man’s heart I’m taking…it’s mine now… forever and then some

Oh to love him all over again

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I thought about you today….

Even though what we had is… DONE!

Despite that crystal clear fact….

You crept upon me…

That sudden way it all ended….you doing what you’ve always done

Not standing by your words….

I had to smile because it made me finally walk away

I didn’t run…like I should have

I peeked a few times over my shoulder because.. ..for me

What we had was real and special and necessary….

I needed you….I wanted you…But I never really had you…did I

These thoughts this morning had me wondering…was it all a dream

Do I have such a vivid imagination…to conjure up such passion and heartache

Am I one of those naïve women that gets used time and time again…and still

Comes back for more…damn…am I her

Remembering you said you hoped I wouldn’t hate you in the end…made me chuckle

It seems as if you tried your best to ensure that’d happen

Time and time again sending my emotions on a roller coaster…

And silly me kept getting in line for your ride….what does that say about me

I long for the day that these thoughts leave me be…and evaporate

Like the love I once had…I was truly mad…for you

An oldy but goodie of mine….

Cursed by my Beauty or Booty?

 

Without sounding shallow, stuck-up, or ungrateful, I present these thoughts for your digestion. I’m fed up ladies and gentleman. For the last 19 years I’ve endured an enormous amount of unwanted attention. Don’t get me wrong, I do like to be noticed. I do like making friends, and considering I’m married, I definitely want and need to be the center of someone’s world. But what I do not need and what I TRULY do not want is all the “negative” attention I continue to receive on a daily basis.

I am glad that I am happy when I look in the mirror (for the most part). There are several things about me I wish I could change or perfect, but all in all, God dealt me a very generous hand. But what I TRULY hate is that all my self esteem, self worth, and security gets taken for granted, gets played with, gets disregarded when I am confronted with “genuine” remarks of approval?

The question mark is there for a reason…..

Am I to enjoy and appreciate being honked at when I walk from the train station?
Am I to enjoy being gawked at when I go shoe shopping with a co-worker?
Am I to enjoy all the teeth sucking and … “um-um-um, good lawd almighty’s”, “are those painted on baby’s”, “shake it for me over here’s”, “you shole is fine’s”, “can I go with you baby’s”?

I know I am being undressed. I know I am be objectified. I know I am being treated like a piece of ass instead of a person.

For those men and/or women, that do these things, I hate it. The reason I only speak for myself is because I don’t know if I’m alone. Maybe other women like this attention. Maybe this boosts their self esteem. Maybe ANY attention is better than NO attention. I don’t really know. I am not in the other shoes, so I really can’t wear them. All I know is, it doesn’t flatter me. And sometimes it frightens me because I don’t know how to respond to it in a way that doesn’t threaten my security. My natural inclination is to throw up my middle finger, say “get your mind out the gutter and I’m taken for the hundredth time, don’t you see this rock on my finger?” But in Baltimore, that might not be the best course of action. I just keep it moving.

I’m not naïve. I do appreciate a good compliment, (i.e. You are very beautiful. You look nice today. Or even, girl you are wearing that dress). I am flattered when men want my number, but I am embarrassed when they let me know they would , “tear that ass up”. Gentlemen, that is too much information. Some ladies might like that, but I am so sure I do not look like one of them.

I hate the fact that I am known as “big booty Toy” instead of “Toy from Cleveland”, “Toy the Delta” or the most original one “Toy Hughes”.

So I end this dissertation, recognizing that I cannot change the way people think, act, or respond to my Booty or Beauty. But if I could just change one person’s way of thinking or raise awareness to this tacky social condition, I would have done something. And I’ve always believed that something is better than nothing.


I become my mother each and every day that I grow older. I remember once, she told me that she didn’t care too much for people. I thought that was crazy. She said, “you’re the same way Toy”. I thought she was dead wrong. “No, mom”, I’d say. I always had lots of friends and loved to be around people. Socializing was my thing.  She would laugh and say, “We’re more alike than you think”.
At age 37 I finally get it Mom. People constantly disappoint you.  My husband would say I need to stop holding expectations for people because he never does. That didn’t make sense to me either. I only expect what I give. But I guess that is still too much. He would counter that not everyone is like me or as giving.
I finally get it and I am starting to realize I am like my mother. Happy Mother’s Day Mommy. I sure miss you and our chats.

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I become my mother each and every day that I grow older. I remember once, she told me that she didn’t care too much for people. I thought that was crazy. She said, “you’re the same way Toy”. I thought she was dead wrong. “No, mom”, I’d say. I always had lots of friends and loved to be around people. Socializing was my thing.  She would laugh and say, “We’re more alike than you think”.

At age 37 I finally get it Mom. People constantly disappoint you.  My husband would say I need to stop holding expectations for people because he never does. That didn’t make sense to me either. I only expect what I give. But I guess that is still too much. He would counter that not everyone is like me or as giving.

I finally get it and I am starting to realize I am like my mother. Happy Mother’s Day Mommy. I sure miss you and our chats.

Locs Take Two

I was so very excited that April 25 had come along. It was time to get my platted hair maintenance completed.  I went to Dreadz and Headz where I had my first big chop done 3 years ago.  I walked in and the stylist looked at my hair and gasped. She then began to tell me that they don’t recommend locking from braids. She said that using the interlocking method on braids weakens the hair and causes other damage.  Then she began to ask why my stylist had chosen to start my locs this way. She had question after question which showed me just how little I know about this new lifestyle I’m entering. I was speechless and upset.

I explained that my line sister, who is a great natural stylist in her own right, began locking her five children, as well as herself and these locs began from plats.  They tried to convince me that it isn’t a good decision but said they would do my maintenance if I wanted them to.  In her words, “I can’t tell you what to do but I wouldn’t do it”.  I had about 150 micro braids on my head….the thought of having to take them down and restart made tears well up in my eyes.  On one hand I knew they were wrong about locs being started from plats because several people have made that choice and their hair is strong and beautiful. On the other hand, I don’t live in the Midwest, so I have to get my hair maintenance done locally.  I asked how much it would cost me to get my braids taken down and restarted. I was told it is usually $25 per hour for take down service and she didn’t do it.  My brain started to swell, or so I felt!!!

I sighed loudly then told them I would be back the next day.  Then as I left the shop tears just streamed down my face. I thought about the wasted time and money and the slow let down of thinking I had actually gotten somewhere in my loc process.  I was frustrated as hell!!!!  But slowly and surely I began my take down process.  It took me forever. I began Thursday night at 6 p.m. and stayed at it until 12:30 a.m.  Then throughout the rest of the day (at work) I kept unbraiding.  Not only did the braids have to come out but the knots from the started interlock had to be undone. By 6:30 p.m. on Friday, I still had about 20 braids to take down.

I finished about an hour later and sat 90 more minutes before a stylist even touched my hair.  I was washed and then given a head full of medium sized two strand twists. Their philosophy is that the twist has a natural transition into the curl that a loc needs to form.  I was then told that they recommend I not wash my own hair. Instead I need to return in 2-3 weeks for washing and maintenance.  This will cost me $60 every 2-3 weeks.  They let me know that forming locs is a pampered process.  I shared this story with friends that started and maintain their own locs and they laughed.  They probably know that I am getting bamboozled.

So consider this my restart!  I will be back in 3 weeks with another update.  Right now I think I will continue to get my maintenance until my hair locs completely.  Then at that point, I hope I have read enough and watched enough youtube videos to take over this maintenance task.  I can’t fathom having to wait in the beauty shop and pay $60 every 2-3 weeks again.  I thought I left that behind with my chemical relaxer!!!!

Middle Ground

Where is the middle ground?

Is it something I must request?

Or is it just a given that one be presented in each and every relationship? 

Why is everything I say or do so black and white to you?

Where are my Shades of Gray? 

If I say I want to be friends, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, your day, your struggle.

Doesn’t mean I don’t want your attention and your sweet, soft, snuggle.

I am a complex woman. Just about as complex as they come.

Give me your time…your patience, your understanding…don’t be so….DEMANDING. 

Understand that I am here for you. My lack of full throttle no holds barred written in ink commitment to….THIS, doesn’t make me the enemy.

I want you here. I need you here. Just be here….for me.